Giving it to God

I'm here.. I'm alive. I think...

So I guess for Lent.. maybe for a good... I've given up alcohol. It's driving me insane... (Reference older posts).  All I want to do is run to the store and grab a glass of wine or a good vodka on the rocks. And it doesn't help that it's EVERYWHERE. I tried watching a comedy movie last night - what does it open with? Them doing shots and drinking.  I text Edward to see what he's up to.. he's having Jack Daniels. And every ounce of my bone wants a drink. Even if it's just one. But I'm staying determined. So let's see...

The job is still going. I'm working it - I've only made TWO yes count them TWO sales in this industry.  I've been doing sales since 2010; and this jackass of a boss hired me because I'm an experienced sales, but I tell you what, promotional items is not a NEED. It's a want. If they don't want it then Out the door I go.... I mean what else can I do? I just keep visiting on them, hoping that an event comes up. I have put together many proposals, but a lot of their events circle around Spring Break, Summer Holidays - you catch my drift. This boss of mine, Anthony, says they did 1.3 million last February. I'm finding it hard to believe.

He has these Friday morning rituals where he buys his office (two admins, one office manager, us three "outside" - I'm really the only one - cause one stays in all day and the other is his daughter, the graphics guy and one sales assistant) taco's for breakfast and they sit in the kitchen and chit chat. Two Fridays ago - my first week - I thought it was absolutely ludacrist - I mean they sat there for over an hour laughing and having tacos. Um HELLO I'm suppose to close 10K for the first three months, how the hell am I suppose to get this done if I'm sitting here eating tacos and gossiping? I'm telling you it's the most unprofessional place ever.

This Friday he did it again - he didn't call until 9:45 am when we're suppose to be there at 8:00 am and wanted our taco orders, I told them thank you but no thank you. I don't have a sales assistant, the one he hired for me, saw right through the smoke he was blowing and left after day two. So I am left doing the sales, proposals, presentations, quotes, closing, entering it into the system.. you get it. And when I have two customers already and at least 20 or more potentials that I've cold called, it can take all day. The staff (who mind you are all young... I'm the oldest at 36... the youngest is 20) kept begging me to just order something... to be part of the team. Fine - I order an unsweet tea. (Besides it's Lent, and it was Friday - no meat and most Taco's are meat --- at least the ones that taste yummy) They proceed to have their Friday taco's when it comes in at 10:00 am - long story short, I hear them discussing why my assistant left - turns out she told Anthony this was the most unprofessional place and that she really needed a job, and since he hired her she took it, but that she has a degree and realized this was a bunch of bullshit and didn't want to waste her time or his.  I ended up voicing my opinions... I mean as a sales person I have 1.) Nothing to make a proposal with 2.) Nothing to make a presentation with 3.) Nothing to do the math for the quotes IE: Told him Excel you could punch in a formula to get the total quote after marking it up and thus forth 4.) When I asked for Pocket Folders so I could make my OWN presentation and my own proposals I got laughed at and told that cost money and he doesnt want to waste money on a potential customer unless they're buying big items. Oh this ass!

But you know what? Sad for him, good for me. Because I'm out there pushing these promotional items, and he hasn't even advertised himself - but I'm advertising me... and I'm getting results... it's just all in who you know with sales and marketing. It's knowing people and networking yourself. And so I do - perhaps once I get a good client base, I'll do my own thing.

Heck, I've become a member on the board of the Junior Achievement here, made friends with the Head of Corpus Christi Schools, the Police department etc... etc... I know people.

I did interview for another job - I don't want to go into detail just yet - I'm scared to jinx myself, but it would be an absolute blessing for me, for us as a family.

Last Saturday is when I decided to stop drinking, so it's been a week and a day. And I decided to give my heart and my worries to the Lord. I was raised Catholic. Devoute Catholic - and I let it go. I decided it wasn't right, so two weekends in a row now, I've taken the kids to mass and we've been listening to KLove - Christian music and listening to positive stories. Minus Anthony I've been positive about everything as much as I can.

Edward sent us an Amazon Fire Stick for Valentines day. We are all HUGE The Walking Dead fans.  Last Sunday since we don't have cable we drove across town and watched it at my inlaws house. But it doesn't go off until 9:00 pm here and the kids had school the next day which left for a groggy cranky morning. I'm hoping my Fire Stick will help us to see it....Got Kodi... so hopefully that will help.

We only have a little over 20 something days until Edward gets home. Last time he came home I had the house SPOTLESS... This time not so much. I mean it's clean but our bedroom is still a mess like he left it when he left in Jan.  Just with full time work and the kids I have NO TIME and when I do I have NO ENERGY.

Olivia and Drago start MMA this week coming up. It was something to get Olivia active. She hasn't done anything since about a year or so ago she stopped Soccer. So now we have MMA any and every day of the week, Running Club and Gymnastics for Drago. I mean how am I suppose to bring them to school - go to work til 5 pm, come home and be out the door by 5:30 or 6:00 and not home til 6:30 or 7:00 pm and still have to do homework and everything else, and some how go to bed to get up by 5:30/6:00 am the next day.

Some how we survive...
How's everyone out there? Fill me in.. I'm going to go warm up dinner (I made it yesterday night) and play with the fire stick to figure out how to watch The Walking Dead.

  • Current Music
    You Are Loved - Stars Go Dim

(no subject)

So I was fooled again. I'm sticking with this job until I find something secure and real... Professional.

I've been crazy the last two weeks. The first day went fine and then three days of training. It was me and another lady from the valley being trained. So the office is a promotional and printing office... All the girls and one guy that work there are under the age of 30. Still wet behind the ears and then the office manager is an older lady that is sad to work with my boss Anthony for 18 years.

Let's just say I should have done my research or not looked a gift horse in the mouth with that office job doing nothing.

This guy expects too much and is the biggest bullshitter. He claims he can do it all. You want your logo on something anything he can do it. He expects 10k of new business for first 3 months. I mean it's obtainable but you'd have to bust your ass doing it. Figure it... In 2 weeks I've made ONE sale $570.

Yesterday I made 16 cold calls. I'm running myself ragged and he keeps saying he hired me cause I'm an experienced sales person but he treats me like I don't know shit. Margie either ... The other lady hired with me. She's 45 and been selling for 9 years.

He has NO presentation items, NO flyers... He has no sales reports or no way to log what you're doing. He's a promotional marketing company but has nothing to had out as a marketing tool. How do you promote a promotional company who doesn't promote their selves ?

I went researching him... There's tons of other little companies named Safeguard ....yadda yadda.... That have closed down. I think he goes bankrupt and closes his doors and starts again with his wife's money.

He says one thing then contradicts himself. And I think the reason he hires these little dumb naive girls is cause they know no better and don't fight with him.

I've been bickering but not getting anywhere until yesterday.

So I took ill (again) Tuesday night/Wednesday morning with asthma real bad and then it got worse and worse til Thursday I couldn't take it cause all the congestion had started causing me to throw up and I dehydrated myself and ended up having to drive myself to the ER since no Edward.
I was told to stay out of work til Monday. Now mind you daily I called in and told the office manager and him I was ill and not coming in and I had the doctor note. Also I worked from home making calls and answering emails... I'm salary so it shouldn't matter where or when I do it as long as it gets done cause I don't punch a time clock. However he expects me to be in he office at 8 am and be back in the office before 5 pm.

We agreed in an email about my salary how much he would give me. I saved the email. Why? Because he's never and I'm on week 3 a contract or a written agreement on pay. Nor a key to the office so I have to wait at 8 am for someone else to show cause he never shows up on time. So yesterday was pay day... I didn't know when they get their checks so I asked in the morning and Nelda assured me they would be given out today. I asked the girls they said normally they get them before lunch ... Lunch came and went... I asked she said oh well banks aren't open so you'll get them by end of today I promise. 4:30 comes... I get handed a check for even more then less than half of what we agreed on. Long story short I fought with him. He said it was cause I called out... Hello I'm SALARY not hourly and I can show you where I did work even when I was home. I told him to show me where in writing he said he would dock my pay if I took time off... He couldn't... After 30 mins he finally pages Nelda and says "go ahead and cut her the check she deserves" he told me he has his eye on me and I'm going to have to prove myself to him. Why? If you hired me as an experienced sales person... But I told him back Anthony you have a degree in what? Engineering. And you've been on sales and marketing how long? 23 years. That's funny cause when I researched this building and all it only came up 2 years ago. He couldn't reply... I told him I am watching you too Anthony. I'm inquisitive of you....

The stress ....

Day 6

Morning - I wish it wasn't I need more sleep - hopefully this cup of coffee will wake me up and get me going.

Lots to do today - Leaving in a bit to go buy clothes at this Grab Bag for $10 clothing sale. Hopefully I can find some good stuff and have clothing to wear for this new job on Monday!
Then have to take Olivia to my mother in laws for her to spend the night... but most of Edwards aunts and uncles will be there because they're trying to decide if Grandma should be put in Hospice or not. I don't get it - I try to stay out of it as much as I can... but I know I'll be there for a while talking anyway.

There's lots of laundry to do, even though I started it last night. Still have more - and dishes.... not sure if I will or will not get to them. And then Drago needs to be brought to his friends birthday sleep over at a local hotel by 4 or so. And then it's FREEEEEE MOMMY! I know I should clean and do things around the house but I probably won't.

Anyway - something bittersweet happened to me yesterday I found my old Livejournal from when I just started dating Edward and then found out I was preggers with Olivia... 2002/2003. I didn't get to read it all but I'm excited I found it. Maybe that will be this evenings event for me! :)

Ok I gotta get ready to head out :) Yay... SNORE..... Wake up Gina! 

-Gina Marie
  • Current Music
    Terraria on Xbox One - Drago

Day 5-er motivation

So... here... this is longer then a year ago but it shows my initial change. The first one was about 2006 the second one (skinny one) was back in 2012 and it's where I'm determined to get back to!

Day Five Art

So a friend asked for me to post some of my art... here's a few that I had pictures of right this second The Fleur De Lis I drew in a larger scale - these were my rough drafts so I could choose colors.

Day Fivvvvvve

I didn't just eat 1 1/2 Lean Cuisine Meals.
I didn't just take an hour lunch instead of 30 minutes because I thought what's the worst they can do fire me!?
I didn't just use that hour to go buy me some Vodka for tonight.

I'm trying to believe that - but the 1/2 of Lean Cuisine is still staring at me.....

And I'm trying desperately to beat this one level on Candy Crush Jelly and it ain't happening - for like 3 days now.

On other news - My oldest brother called me night before last (pardon my memory can't remember if I wrote this the other day or not) and the conversation went like this:
Brother: "Who would you believe in this situation? I asked Bella to tell Goo Goo (my mom) to give her some cold medicine because she's been coughing.  Then a couple of hours later Momma calls me and says Bella is really coughing bad can I give her medicine? And I told her no you can't double dose her. Then Momma proceeds to tell me she did NOT give Bella medicine and Bella is crying in the background saying Yes you did Goo Goo the medicine cup is still wet from using it."
Me: "Well I don't know I guess I'd believe Bella but what's the point to this?"
Brother: "They're (meaning my parents) losing it - they are always screaming at each other and they can't remember shit. I'm losing it, I can't take it anymore."
Me: "Then move out. Our parents aren't getting any younger and losing their memories is going to happen. If you don't feel secure with Momma giving your daughter medicine, then be an active father and be there for your sick daughter and don't rely on Mom and Dad, because right now they're raising her not you."

Then yesterday my mom texts me "We are just getting back from the Doctor with Bella, she has a sinus infection" I was sitting at the desk with my kids they were doing home work and I say outloud because I don't want to be rude to my mother "Ok mom? What in the world do you want me to do about that from Texas?" (They're in Louisiana) and then without me even replying she texts back "He put her on Amoxicilin" You can image the face palm I did and shook my damn head. I mean really? What do they want me to do from a whole state over.

-Gina Marie
  • Current Music
    There Goes My Hero - Foo Fighters